Author Archives: cuaresma44

The Entity: Le Succubi.

Here is one from 2005!

Succubus-lewd demon; the mistress of nocturnal.
All Souls Day (Nov.2), The Catholic Church’s commemorating those who lost their lives in the past year; a Priest reads all the departed souls in a written list. While somewhere across the globe, a vile ,lustful entity soars across the sky,scanning for a male host of its choice. It,now enters a bedroom,lurking in the shadows. Waiting for it’s host,to drift into the land of nod, just like it’s counterpart,The Incubus. Miss Naughty,has some trick n’ treats ,with intent to do more than collect a soul ,during the nocturnal. Sweet dreams turn into erotic nightmares.

The night before a shadow had been lurking outside the window. It vanished ,upon awakening,hitting on a flashlight,that I kept near the bedside,towards its direction. A few minutes,passed,before I started to fall asleep; the neighbor’s dog,started to bark n’ howl towards behind the direction of my backyard. So with a flashlight, thinking it might be a rodent ,the mutt sensed roaming around this area. Nothing. Hereupon, I followed the dogs eyes,with the light;except it wasn’t barking at it’s eye level at me; but towards the roof,or perhaps the sky above me. It didn’t matter to me at this point,because there was always a small animal, a squirrel or chipmunk,even a cat once,on the graphite roof tiles. To shut the mutt,for a while, I scooped up a few biscuits,from the refrigerator,and tossed it over the fence. Soon,no sound escaped from this animal; just seeing it briefly,munching away at the goodies that it received. Before, I turned in the direction of the backyard patio,in the corner of my left eye, something that was a chalked outlined shape of a human-shaped figure,dashed towards,the backyard fence. Again,the mutt started to bark,towards that way. A mirage,or was it? Ignoring it,I thought it was just a illusion.
Back in the room, in no more than a few minutes, the dog’s barking ,emerged into a loud whining. It’s owner was ordering “shut up; get back in the house”; complete silence afterwards. I feel asleep at ease,like the way it should be.
The pre-daylight hours,would come about in the next several hours. During this time , a entity had slipped it’s way into the house,and entering the room,with some menacing plans a forethought. Observing.
A gentle touch,ran through my right arm,as I slept in a fetal position. ‘Oh,a wonderful dream’. A female ,soft lips ,first kissing my neck down near the shoulders,then upwards towards,near my face; ‘the ectacy’. Her lips,kissing upon my mouth now. It was profound. Tossing ,in a supine position her body slid gently on my  being. ‘This is what dreams is made of. dreamland.’ Arms wrapping around my neck,hands gliding through my hair,she was nibbling on my neck,like before; she began to suck on its flesh,with warmness of her breath. Tactile and Somatic.
The sweet smell of vanilla chocolate ,ran up through my nostrils,which caused me to open my mouth,slightly. I would love to take a bit out of this sweet desert. Gustatory sensory of tasting this for myself; what I perceived as vanilla chocolate,was her own skin. Now,her warm breath, emerged in growls of a ‘pleasure of the flesh’,as she roughly,wrapped her thighs around my waist. Her breast was smothering on my own face. In tactile, I caressed her body. Afterwards,shortly,I opened my eyelids,while in deep sleep by this erotic feeling, to put this in perspective. A glimpse,I saw a neon outlining shape of this female,upon me; suddenly a heavy pressure was applied to my neck; she was no longer caressing it ,she was biting it.
A growl escaped her mouth ,like a wild animal. Followed by her hands,took my by the throat,and heavily whispered towards my right ear,which in auditory ,I could not make out. Her grip, was a supernatural strength,as I can feel her hand in both tactile and somatic,trying to enter my mouth. Only I managed to budge. It felt like a tongue was slithering on mine. Letting go,she began to smoother her tongue and lips on my face; a sound of buzzing swarmed around my head.
With her hands again, she began to constrict my throat. Pulling me upwards,towards her. Then pushing me ,with her grip intact,back down on the pillow below. This went on for a while. I just couldn’t find the strength,to move my arms to fight back ,because I was in fact paralyzed. Not ,just fear; my body was still asleep,but the mind was semi-conscious. I with effort,tried to call out for a plea. “help me, Lord.” Nothing,escaped my lips,except a small noise,as the words could not escape. Mentally, I focused in saying this. Either this vicious female,was a ‘demon induced hallucination’ or ‘a malign entity’ in the flesh.
Nothing,happened; as she like before,in a bestial growl,smothered her mouth against my entire face; it felt to real. Suddenly, a burst,thrust outwards from my loins. In latin this thing whispered :”Diaoblus et virtuous, lumbis est.”
I closed my eyelids; in a now,unfearful matter. Before me now,was a flash of my early youth,in a familiar moment . I was drifting to Elysium. A young boy in a field ,kite-flying ,turned around and said to me” why are doing here,mister. You have to go back;please it is so nice where you came from.” That boy,was me,at his age. Behind,me at this age,was a young female ,older than the boy. She was about 13 . Taking the boy,by the hand; “Fight,will you. You have to find your way back; there’s so much to do.” Then both she and the boy,walked away in the field ,away from me. I said nothing,except this feeling of being left out; for I wanted to follow them. A light stream of tears,was strolling down my eyes.
I opened my eyes,everything seemed to stop dead in its tracks; as this creature was still on me. I wasn’t going to give it any further satisfaction. I managed,to regain,my breathing,and a motion of my hands,was now wiggling. Nearby,about a several feet from the front end of my bed, a illumination of a glowing object appeared . Perhaps,a protector. Whatever it ,or who it was,blew a cold draft against my body. This thing,began to drive itself from me, as I could see its shadow,flying away from me; and nearly vanished. While this was going on, the shining object,stood there for a few moments,then faded away.
After from breaking away off this paralysis,I went to the bathroom,where this thing had entered,following. It finally dissolved. Then I turned on the sink,and scooped up a handful of water,and placed it over my face,when a cold touch was placed on my back,someone was touching me. Entering again,the bedroom, I went asleep,without any more hassles from anything;sleeping in comfort as a child.

After this incident, a few days later, it had began to occur to me,this was not another ‘hallucinatory sleep paralysis’ episode. This was the first time, a sex demon had nearly came close invading me; In the year,followed,exactly the same day from my first encounter – Nov.2 , I was paid another visit from Succubus; again,it with out any success,failed to collect my soul and fertility. It was foolish,not knowingly,that I still have some fight left in me; it never came back. The beggining of the new millenium had started .early that year,when I first encountered the demon,succubus. The illuminated vision,never returned;,but, I will not doubt it will appear sometime in the near future.


Manhunter – SRHM.

Believe it or not, for those who knew me in my younger days.I was a former amateur sleuth! (crossing eyes). Now, Going back four decades ago when Mr. Z was haunting the SF Bay Area around with his taunts of ‘the joys of killing’ bragging to the Chronicle with making his murders looking like a few fake accidents, etc, a string of unsolved murders had taken place in rural Sonoma County along the Franz Valley Road and Bennett Valley areas north of Santa Rosa. The bodies of 6 young females between the ages of 12 to 22 had been found nude and had signature marks of strangulation and a few cases – styrichnine poisoning – in ditches, ravines just off the isolated roadways in than years time between December 1972 to December 1973, where the last victim Theresa Diane Walsh was found naked and hogtied in a creek with a lump of her flesh intact with a fallen tree log in the water. It was a dark time for Santa Rosa residents, unaware of a maniacal specter  on the loose in their community, hunting for more victims. The murders became infamous and known as The Santa Rosa Hitchhiker Murders. Twice I visited Franz Valley Road, a not well road known to travel on, in search for clues and my own personal quest and partial research to find a solution in solving one of Northern California’s so called Ted Bundy crimes. “Ted” was looked into as a culprit into the SHRM, once, the day after his execution at Florida State Penitentiary and just four years ago. Primed Suspect of the Zodiac Killings, Arthur Leigh Allen was looked into as a culprit, but was removed as a suspect in both the Z killings and the SRHM while being incarcerated at Atascadero State Hospital. For those not familiar with the case, visit Deborah Silva’s website click on here for more info.


If I Should Die Before I awake….

The spring of 1986 that I first began to experience a series of waking up, unable to move.

Being off for school for one full week because I was on spring/Easter break just like every student. It was on the morning of Palm Sunday before enjoying a week of playing video games at Joe’s Pizza at the Liberty Links Shopping Plaza and waiting for my old man this very morning to take me out fishing to Orwoods located in the California Delta instead of attending Sunday services, just for once.

That morning, prior to awakening, I was in deep sleep. I couldn’t remember the exact details in the dream ,except the scene took place in a dark tunnel with a girl in it and along with her reptiles and insects swarmed within.

Onset of awakening this feeling of being numb as though my blood circulation was cut off. I felt weak and very groggy. At the right peripheral view of my right eye, a blurred figure was there standing at the foot of my bed. My vision was blurred; I thought I had seen a robed figure lurking at me from a short distance. My eyes was still fluttering in a part REM sleep-awake stage. Suddenly my sight became visible able to see clearly.

And here I was pinned down on the bed unable to move. I tried to move, and could not; semi-awake, nearly choking to death as though a unseen powerful force was there strangling me nearly to death, as I made a desperate attempt to yell out for help to anyone in the house to rescue me from the phantom. The more I struggled to fight this thing off me, the heavier the weight. I gasped for air.

Soon the paralysis stopped after a short while; the grasp of a heavy choke hold from the phantom diminished after. I was able to breathe at ease. The incident was virtually haunting as if I was attacked by a supernatural entity. Such mixed emotions, fear and anxiety crept inside of me. Too, I was mad a hell in searching for an elusive stranger that may off been lurking around my bed; dashing out, I searched for The Phantom who could of been hiding under my bed; then, I searched the nearby closet: nothing or nobody was anywhere to be found.

For the first time in my life, I felt soo lonely with knowledge I was under attack, there was nobody there to come to my rescue. In my early years as teen I was in my way a tough kid, growing up being picked on by school bullies; often, either way I or they asked for a fight. Maybe this particular Palm Sunday morning it was a entity  who challenged me to a fight. Could it be God who I thought at that morning was hating me, playing a twisted sick prank on me. Whatever this unseen force derived from, this incident gave away a thought I was being subjected to mental illness the days following, barely living on the edge.

This was the first time I’ve ever experienced such dread, so different from a ordinary nightmare that I had ever had in the past. It seemed so real that the aspects speak for itself:

Unable to move/paralyzed and unable to speak

The feeling of presence/and pressure on the chest and various tactile feelings on parts of the body

The audio and visual hallucinations.


In the months and years following, a dark shadow pushing its weight on me. The sinking into the bed mattress and being suffocated with my pillow.  These are signs of HHE(Hypnagogic/Hypnopompic Hallucination Experiences) with with ISP(Isolated Sleep Paralysis) and or ASP(Awake Sleep Paralysis.


What a man puts in his mouth….

Here is a riddle why Catholics abstain consuming meat on Fridays during Lent(including Ash Wednesday): Catholic Christians are reminded not to eat the flesh of meat of any specie(except fish) because Christ died on a Friday; He gave up his “flesh” , in an effort to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion, thereof Catholics refrain from consuming the flesh of Christ. ?! What are we, cannibals?!
Anyway, there is nothing in Scriptures that says any Christian, and those who are Catholics, are destined to fast on Lent. This is not a requirement of a spiritual issue, and this is not a required “inherited spiritual value” =does not give a instant relationship to Christ.
Take this in mind from every Friday herein, a quote from Christ himself: “What goes into somebody’s mouth does not defile them.” – Mt 15:11

Enjoy the rest of your weekend people. Hope this answers on the ‘why can’t Catholics consume the flesh of animals(with the exception of fish?)

That is what comes out from mind and into a blog.

In Memoriam of James Douglas Morrison.


“The devotion of the greatest is to encounter risk and danger, and play dice with death.”
               – Friedrich Nietzsche

Mirror Of A Sacred Totem

“The Lizard brings into your awareness your subconscious hopes and fears that through the light of day they can be acknowledged”
-Animal totem meaning on the lizard

Ancient tribal customs involved the choosing of a Dionysian “prince” from the male tribal members often named in honor of a particular totem(animal whose traits are held in high regards, i.e.-lizards ability to shed skin acquiring a new persona as it was) and this chosen in this case, the “Lizard King” was allowed pleasures he fancied for a period of time.

Celebration Of The Lizard King

Observing and making sense to The Doors official website and articles and books a journey I made into the world of James Douglas Morrison a decade ago, fans studied writings of Jim Morrison had said, “Celebration Of The Lizard” to be a commemoration so to speak of a time when our souls were more ancient with the affairs of spirits and souls than a society plagued with plethora of wealth some 8,000 years ago.

A dionysian king, a medicine man – shamanism reborn from the past forged a connection between the tribe, the society, and dionysus on stage. This was performed on going a spiritual journey could heal the tribe. His invocation of this phrase, “I AM THE LIZARD KING” taken allegorically in terms of Morrison’s ultimate sacrifice of the American funeral pyre.

Here is an enigmatic musician, poet, philosopher, who contributed to society and asked nothing more in return; sacrificial of his spirit and soul, the late hero of dionysus on the sacred rock performances with ritualism, archetypal energy of rock n’ roll. Many don’t cling on to a clue it was bringing back the ancient ritual to our modern world.

James Douglas Morrison used LSD, peyote, psilosybin and other psychedelics with the self purposes to expand his mind. He consumed alcohol with excess; Jim viewed alcohol as more an adventure than a weakness. His favorite drink was Bushmills Irish Whiskey. He knew he was an excessive drunk and accepted this as though he had no other choice in the matter. To me he was destined to drink.

“I am not a musician. I’m a poet. And I’m Irish. The drug of Irish Poetry is alcohol.” He said more than once. Parallel with being a somewhat life with more than an iota of depression, Morrison saw himself as a drinking man in the image of Ernest Hemingway or F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yet he tried nearly every drug out there including heroin smack which is most definite a downward spiral for his end.

Jim once said about alcohol that made him feel dirty, “It’s so sociable and accessible, conventional. Besides, booze beats dope for me any day. Soul beats money and booze beats dope.”

I think he became fully disillusioned of everything he witnessed in L’America as a cesspool before he departed to Paris; he lived life to the fullest way too fast and became weary and tired he just wanted to escape from it all no matter the dangerous risks involved.

Morrison’s sacrifice, the mystic, intense dreamer insatiable thirst for life killed him and not really any lust for death.

Know when he means when Jim says, “I AM THE LIZARD KING. I CAN DO ANYTHING.”

The public eye, the perception of Jim is just that of a menacing rebellious drugged out, alcoholic. Only if they would care to listen to the interviews; read his poetry. For the sake of his intelligence is concerned, Jim Morrison’s IQ was around 149. He did foresee electronic machines inventions for audio cassettes would take over in a 1969 PBS Interview.

Pop Music should not be labeled for The Doors. They are a unique band that would be tested throughout time. Feel the opening of your human senses when Ray Manzereck’s dominance of the keyboard effects mirrors a uniquely carnivalesque blend with jazzy atmospheric music. The Doors tribute as seen here on this 2000 VH1 Performance. Take a ride into the rainy storm with Jim any day.

The Doors Tribute: Stoned Immaculate by The Days Of The New. 2000.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

“Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.”

-James Douglas Morrison
American Poet 1943-1971.

Sleep Paralysis poem.

The fifth year of the second millenium A.D.
Sleep Paralysis
Oh the old hag striketh me in the night
She comes to bring me visions of  fright
Upon my bed she clutches my throat with her almighty hands
I lay upon my bed unable to move
I desperately attempt to utter a sound
The only thing that I hear and feel is the caving in of the old hags pound
Upon my chest the old hag laughs
I manage to escape but the more the struggle
The heavier the weight I gasp for air
Oh cometh morning sky when will you cometh
The raven flies over this night
Strikeths its victim with the terror of its might
Oh cometh sunrise when will you appear
Help me to escape this state of  terror
The heavy breathing of a beast stalks upon with its eyes that stare
From the old hag appears the Mare
Now with the wiggling of my fingers to fight off this monster
Hell awaits for me near
The tormented laugh dancing around my surroundings
I still cannot  break off the paralyzing boundings
Old Hag
The Mare
Dancing around in prolonging glee
Oh morning sky set me free
Old Hag
The Mare
Dancing around me in endless glee
They bound me tighter so that I cannot break free
Oppressed Oppressed
The alienated body of demons enters down upon where I sleep
Oppressed Oppressed
The incubus and succubus craving my body giving me shrivers of creep
Dark Weeping Willow tree appear before my eyes
Upon its limbs perches the raven
Staring at me with it’s elusive eyes
Set me free
My subconscious streams
Set me free
The heaviness of my legs are weak to break free
Sleep Paralysis is my fate
The terror of sleep paralysis is my fate
Sleep Paralysis is my fate
Cometh morning sky that you will save me from this fate
Before it is too late